Oh ****!
Mistakes we've made and what we should have done instead (A&E may have been involved). Plus, a flavour-filled recipe that truly is speedy.
It goes without saying that we are – you are – busy people. The world is busy, productivity is a north star (TBD why this really is), ‘friction’ is bad. When we are so frequently told we don’t have time, multi-tasking (good!) and speediness (good!) lay a pall of breathlessness over everything we do. I don’t know about you, but I’m terrible at mindfulness, though I am excellent at ‘laziness’. Sometimes, we make mistakes because we forget due to an overloaded brain; at others, we are in a hurry or simply trying to do too much at once in too short a time. I have form with deciding I have enough time to make, cool and ice a cake – I never do. Anyway, we make mistakes in the kitchen for many reasons; some of them fall into the no time or distracted categories, others into overconfidence or just sheer oops. Some of the team members have shared their particular pitfalls…
‘Oops’
Anna: I once roasted a fish without gutting it – that was a rookie error; I just totally forgot before I put it in the oven in a lovely parcel with lots of expensive oil, lemon and herbs.
Cassie: Over-salting and thinking I could rectify it with sugar/acid, which doesn’t help. Next time, I’d try to increase the overall volume of the dish with extra (unsalted) liquid, plus beans or pulses if it suits the dish.
Barney: I used to pride myself on how well I could guesstimate a steak or beef roast’s doneness. If it was a bit under, I’d say that’s how my French mother liked it; if it was over, that’s how my English dad preferred it. But, my Achilles heel was côte de boeuf and rib roast. Get that under, and it isn’t pleasant to eat. In my opinion, it shouldn’t be served any rarer than medium rare – the fat running through the cut needs proper cooking. And, because it contains different muscles, the bounce-back prod approach simply doesn’t work. The solution, as with all meat cookery, if you want to take the guesswork out of doneness, is a digital cooking thermometer. Get the rib to 55C in the centre, leave it to rest for at least 15 mins, and it’s perfectly medium-rare every time.
Lulu: Trying to fast-track dried beans in a chilli without using a pressure cooker. I ended up with meat soup filled with bullets. I bought a pressure cooker and now have speed (ish) at my fingertips. Genuinely, the gadget I would not live without.
Look after your stuff
This is always tricky when you share a house with anyone, whether that’s family or friends. Family is probably worse – they take liberties. I have several knives that are missing the tip – god knows how, but probably because a screwdriver wasn’t to hand. I rescue wooden boards from watery sinks and endlessly re-stack food containers with lids, but I also make mistakes myself. My griddle pan is rusty because I left it outside after a barbecue. Two of my saucepans are dented and their lids no longer fit properly because I dropped them. My non-stick pan no longer does what it claims to because I used a metal palette knife to flip over some pancakes.
Cassie: Not stacking/storing my expensive ceramic-coated pans properly, resulting in lots of scratches. Next time, I’d take better care of them. And, not sharpening my knives often enough – it equals more slips and cuts!
Keith: The cleaner threw away a three-year-old sourdough starter, which looked grim but was still alive. Always label things. And, during a cheese shopping trip to Jumi at Borough Market, I was drawn to a cheese called Blue Brain – a mould-ripened cream cheese made with raw Fleckvieh cow's milk. It looks exactly as it sounds. My horrified wife found it in the salad drawer while I was away for a weekend, thought a new life form had grown in the fridge and threw it out. I was equally horrified. “That cost nearly £10 for 150g,” I sobbed. Once again, always label things.
Unknown: Various pieces of melted equipment come to light in the test kitchen every now and then. Some things are not meant to go through a dishwasher. We recently lost a lightweight but useful pink cake stand to this fate.
Do not take your eye off the pan/oven/whatever
Easily done. Generally, if a recipe tells you not to take your eye off something, then don’t. Making caramel is not something to take on lightly.
Keith: Par-boiling potatoes until they were ruffled for roasties. Instead, I ended up with potato soup. Plus, thinking I could turn a gravy into a jus by reducing it, then forgetting it and destroying the pan.
Everyone: Burning nuts when the recipe explicitly tells you not to take your eyes off them. Janine says pine nuts are the WORST for this.
Safety before socials
Keith: Catching a Japanese carving knife after it slipped out of the beef I was butchering while pausing to take a photo for Instagram. I spent the day in A&E being stitched up.
A nameless person: Looking at the screen rather than the task at hand and cutting off a false nail. Expensive.
Entertaining
Barney: When we started making new parent friends and having people round for dinner more, I went through a phase of thinking everyone expected bells and whistles – split sauces poured from teapots, pretty plates, canapés and warm madeleines with coffee. I’d spend days preparing it all and end up stressed and resentful, when really I should have just made a lasagne or chilli. Leave the fancy food to restaurants – a stressed host makes for an uncomfortable evening, and the simple act of feeding someone is enough to show you care, whether that’s a well-made cottage pie or a three-bird roast.
Lulu: Cooking too much and leaving something in the oven or fridge. This could be a nice surprise for later but, invariably, I find it too late to be safe enough to eat. I should always make a list of what I plan to serve.
Please do add your own disasters in the comments; they are useful to other readers.
Here’s a recipe for those times when you have too much to do. It’s a flavour-packed, easy win – I’m all about cliches.
In other news
Our SME competition is closing on 15 March, so if you know anyone who might want to enter, please do tell them. Winning prize below.
Loved this piece!
I once wanted to blend steaming hot strawberry jam in my Vitamix, but forgot the lid.
I started screaming, more out of surprise than because I had somehow hurt myself. My husband ran into the kitchen to find a scene worthy of Quentin Tarantino: he almost fainted, believing the red splatters on the walls were blood!
Great piece.
I learned the hard way that you should never peek at a home-made Christmas pudding to check it's ok in the run-up to Christmas. I did just that, took said pudding away for Christmas with friends, and of course when we took off the wrappings after steaming it on Christmas Day it was more mould than pudding: and steamed mould, at that!